Our Abnormal Life
by Voca-chan
Summary: Because when you're a part of this family, life is anything but normal. Collection of short stories. Includes various length, genres, quality, and Vocaloids! Mainly humor. No pairings of any sort. Rated for potential anything.
1. Ice Cream

**A/N: **Welcome to my series of Vocaloid one-shots! They will be mainly following the Internet and Crypton families, but I might include other Vocaloids along the way. This fic does not support any pairings. I support the belief that all the vocaloids consider each other a brother or sister, and therefore this fic will operate as such. Sorry, pairing fans. (a.k.a. half of this fandom.)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy these as much as I enjoy writing them~

* * *

**Genre: **Humor

**Featuring: **Kaito and Meiko

. *** - * Ice Cream * - * .**

Meiko and Kaito strolled side by side through the local grocery story. The blue-haired vocaloid usually accompanied Meiko in these trips to the grocery just so she wouldn't have to go alone, but honestly shopping for food can be rather boring...

The brunette stopped at the produce section, picking up several leeks, being sure to only pick the best for her diva sister. Although Miku was normally happy and optimistic, she didn't mess around when it came to her favorite food item. Meiko didn't blame her, though. If she were to get a soured can of sake, murder might be committed.

Kaito began to whistle the tune of _My Ice Cream is Melting_, his parody of Miku's_ Melt_, nonchalantly as he leaned against a vegetable stand. Being the vocaloids they are, Meiko immediately got the urge to join in. The lyrics began to scroll through his head as Meiko began humming as she picked out oranges and bananas for Kaito's two younger vocaloid siblings as well.

_Pink strawberry flavor, once in a while rich milk flavor too... _Kaito's stomach rumbled at the thought. When's the last time he had ice cream? It has to have been _at least _three hours. He was going to go on a withdrawal soon.

He looked over his shoulder, eyeing the frozen foods section. _All the ice-cream I could dream of... Just on the other side of the store. _His whistling faltered, causing Meiko to look over her shoulder in confusion.

"Meiko, can I shop a little too?"

Meiko placed the vegetables and fruit into the cart, giving Kaito a surprised glance. "You want to? Normally you just follow me around and whine."

Kaito crossed his arms in indignation. "If two people are shopping, then they can get it done faster than just one person, right?"

Meiko considered this. "I suppose so..." Her arms were crossed as well, one hand bending upwards to tap her chin as she contemplated the ceiling. Finally, she nodded. "Alright, Kaito. Go for it."

"Yay!" Kaito cheered, much like an excited child. The lyrics were already screaming in his head. _And yet my feelings for ice cream... are that of love._

The brunette eyed him suspiciously. "Yeah... Just remember to take every item into consideration."

Kaito, who was already halfway down the aisle, waved over his shoulder. "No problem!"

* * *

Meiko huffed, carrying three bags of groceries in her arms as she searched the store for Kaito. The store had paged quite clearly "Shion Kaito to the checkout!", yet the ignorant vocaloid had chosen to ignore it. How considerate.

She began to grumble to herself, letting her frustration out."What was I thinking, letting Kaito of all people go grocery shopping? ...And now that I think about it, he wasn't whistling _Melt _earlier like I thought he was... He must have been whistling his parody. Kaito, I swear..."

She rounded the corner and found him in the place she now expected him to be - the ice-cream section. Kaito had a grocery cart full of various flavors of the frozen dessert beside him, and he looked like he was trying to find even more as his eyes scanned the freezers. He had begun to whistle the tune again, this time grinning happily, as if he were a school girl in love.

"Are you insane?" Meiko scolded as she marched over to dessert-filled cart. "I told you to take every item into consideration, and you fill a cart with _ice-cream_?"

Kaito smiled innocently as he pulled another carton out of the freezer. "But Meiko, I did take every item into consideration."

Meiko raised an eyebrow. "How? It looks like you went on a shopping spree for yourself."

He turned around and began to rummage through all of the cartons of ice-cream. "Let's see... Ah! Here." Kaito held up a green-colored carton. "Leek-flavored ice-cream for Miku!"

"_Just_ Miku?"

"Of course not!" Kaito laughed as he pulled out two more cartons. "Banana flavored for Len and orange flavored for Rin!" He pulled out a third. "They even had fish flavored ice-cream, Meiko. For Luka. Did you know that there is brocolli flavored ice-cream?"

"No, and we aren't buying it," Meiko muttered as she pinched the bridge of her nose."Are you even considering how much this is going to cost?"

"Aaand..." Kaito continued, ignoring the brunette completely. "Sake-flavored for Meiko!"

Meiko's frown faltered. That idiot actually thought about her. She smiled faintly. "That's actually pretty thoughtful, for you. Even if you are _Baka_ito."

Kaito beamed, unfazed by her rare showing of kindness as he began to sort through the cart again. "And I also found chocolate, and butterscotch, and apple, and cotton candy, and cherry, and mint, and pecan, and cucumber, and caramel, and shortcake, and..."

Meiko covered his mouth with her hand, sighing deeply. "Let's just stick with the good stuff for now. Like the sake flavored. We're going to buy like, three carts of that stuff."

Kaito smiled with his eyes and moved Meiko's hand from his face. "You'd actually be surprised at the variety of flavors here. I can show all the different flavors of sake ice-cream; that was just one of them!"

Meiko was actually a bit excited at the thought, but she didn't let it show. She rolled her eyes to try to emphasize the "I don't care" look we was going for. "If you want to, I suppose there's not hurt in looking..."

Within minutes, both of the vocaloids were eagerly looking through all the different flavors the store had to offer. The chorus of Kaito's parody rang through the air as both Kaito and Meiko whistled it eagerly.

_Ice cream, it's melting right in front of me._

_I'll love you no matter what, I promise never to let go of you._

_However, ice cream, how many times have you disappeared once I ate you?_

_You won't find me in love with love, not ever._

_And yet my feelings for ice cream... are that of love._


	2. Bandages

**A/N: **Thank you, those who reviewed/favorited/followed! Here's the next installation!

* * *

**Genre: **Humor

**Featuring: **Rin, Len, and Oliver

**. * - * Bandages * - * .**

Oliver, Len, and Rin all sat together on a comfortable, leather couch in front of a flat screen TV. The twins had taken a particular liking to the newly released vocaloid, mostly because they were close in age, and they were hoping he would help them a bit on their English. Because of this, Oliver visited the Crpyton household quite often.

"Hey, Oliver," Len began, breaking the silence between the trio. "Why exactly do you wear those bandages on your face?"

Oliver shrugged nonchalantly. "Not sure. PowerFX never told me why exactly."

"You know..." Rin spoke up in a sing-song voice. "I heard it's to keep the monster theme. Like, Sweet Ann and Big Al both have stitches."

Oliver scoffed, brushing his sandy blonde hair out of his face. "That's ridiculous. I'm nothing like those two."

"Well, they are a lot older than you," Len pointed out. He paused, staring up at the ceiling. "...And I think I know what Rin's talking about."

Rin nodded in agreement. "Yeah. In fact, if it's a part of the monster theme, the bandages could actually represent a mummy!"

Len stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Yeah... Big Al and Sweet Ann do represent frankenstein, after all."

"Me, a mummy? Please, I'm too awesome for that," Oliver said, completely dismissing the idea. He crossed his arms behind his head and propped his legs up on the coffee table, looking as unconcerned as ever.

"Your ego could very well surpass Rin's," Len muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I do _not _have an ego!" Rin protested, pushing herself up with her hands in glare at the blonde sitting beside Oliver.

"And if you keep bragging like that, you won't have any fans," Len continued, ignoring his sister.

"Nope, people love me for it." The vocaloid stuck his tongue out at him immaturely. "You're just jealous of me, that's all!"

Len eyed the vocaloid for a moment. Oliver never failed to be obnoxious, even for a minute. But it's also surprisingly easy and amusing to get under his skin...

And Len is good at doing just that.

"Hey, Rin." He glanced over had his sister. "I think I have a good idea of how Oliver got his bandages."

Rin smirked, knowing her brother well enough to know what he was doing. "Yeah? Let me hear it."

"What if Oliver was the captain of a huge boat..." Len started slowly, his voice mockingly thoughtful.

"Well, of course it would be big," Oliver butted in. "I wouldn't be captain of a tiny boat."

Len ignored him. "...And he got caught in a huge storm?"

Oliver crossed his arms in indignation. "I'd navigate my way through it!"

Rin nodded, ignoring him as well. "Yeah... And what if it wasn't just any storm... what if it was a hurricane?"

"A _dangerous _hurricane," Len added on. "And what if Oliver happened to be right in the middle of it?"

"...Naturally, he wouldn't be able to get through a hurricane that big..." Rin murmured, contemplating the ceiling and tapping her chin.

They were having too much fun with this.

"What if the wind ripped his sail to shreds?" Len questioned.

"He would obviously lose control of the boat..." Rin answered.

"Causing the great Captain Oliver to panic."

Oliver's face was red. "That's not how it would go at all!"

"Then what if the hurricane pushed the boat into shallower waters..."

"...And what if that caused rocks to scrape against the bottom of the boat..."

"Obviously, it would create several holes which would sink the ship."

"Then Oliver would try to use his nonexistent skills as a sailor to get out alive..."

"T-They are too existent!" Oliver wailed, frustrated.

"...But he would ultimately fail."

"And so we have Oliver, drowned at sea, in all of his failure."

"His body washes up on the beach..." Rin continued, a huge grin on her face.

Len stroked his chin, his face mirroring his sister's. "Only to be discovered by PowerFX."

"Who turns him into a mummy and a vocaloid..."

"...And so, in conclusion, Oliver is actually a dead, mummy, fail-captain who was turned into a Vocaloid by the kindness of a stranger," Len finished.

Rin and Len laughed, high-fiving each other on a job well done.

Oliver buried his face into his hat. "You guys are mean! Bakagamine Rin and Len!"

"What was that, Captain Failiver?" Len smirked and ruffled his sandy blonde hair, thoroughly annoying the younger vocaloid.

Oliver tilted his head to glare up at him. "Shut up, _Shota_gamine Len."

"That's a good one. I'll have to remember that," Rin giggled and leaned back, propping her feet on the table.

Len snorted, crossing his arms. "If anyone's a shota here, then it's you because you're younger."

"I'm too awesome and manly to be a shota," Oliver replied, dismissing the indignity. "Plus I'm not the one who sang _Shota Shota Fire Endless Night. _And have you seen your punk outfit?"

Len silently fumed. Oliver had won this time. _This _time. "...Let's just call this a truce."

Oliver tapped his chin in faux concentration. "I guess since I'm feeling generous today, I can let it slide just this once..."

He rolled his eyes. Typical Oliver. Len smacked the back of his head, not too hard but hard enough. "What was that?"

"Ow..." He rubbed the back of his head, tears pricking in his eyes. He seemed to consider saying something else, but quickly dismissed it when Len raised his hand again. "...You're forgiven..."


	3. Cake

**Genre: **Humor

**Featuring: **Crypton Family (Rin, Len, Luka, Miku, Kaito, Meiko.)

**. * - * Cake * - * .**

Everyone in the Crypton household was rather bored at the moment. Nothing exciting was happening. No one was singing. No one was working. No one had talked in over thirty minutes. Heck, the TV was set on the weather.

That really says something.

Everyone was lounging around idly in the living room; Meiko, Luka, and Kaito were sitting on the couch, Miku was sitting in a plush armchair beside them, and Rin and Len were sitting side-by-side on the floor in front of the coffee table. Miku was brushing out her long, teal pigtails over and over, even though they were silky; Luka was sitting in between Meiko and Kaito to keep the brunette from murdering him; Rin was resting her head against her brother's shoulder, half asleep while Len blankly stared at the TV screen. It was an oddly quiet day.

Nothing lasts forever, though. Not in this house.

Miku, like she usually does, breaks the long silence. "Miku's very bored," she groaned, speaking in third person for no particuar reason. "Can't we do something?"

"Like what?" Len mumbed absently as the TV switch to the same seven-day forecast they've looked at for the sixty-seventh time now.

Miku dropped the brush onto the hardwood floor and leaned backwards in the chair, whining some more. "I don't know... Mei-chan, come up with something for us to do!"

Meiko flipped the page in the book she was reading before answering with a blunt, "No."

Miku groaned something incoherent before, "Why _nooot_?"

"Here's a thought. Why don't you clean your closet? It looks like a tornado went through it," Len suggested as he crossed his arms behind his bed.

"Yeah, what Len said," Meiko muttered, waving towards the blonde teenager.

Miku wasn't satisfied with that answer. "Cleaning isn't fun, Len-kun!"

"I have an idea!" Kaito piped up suddenly, his face beaming with excitement.

Meiko pinched the bridge of her nose using the hand that wasn't holding the book. "Oh boy..."

Luka tilted her head towards him, also silently dreading the response. "And what is that, Kaito?"

"Let's cook!" Kaito exclaimed, leaping up from his spot on the couch.

He got a collection of blank stares from everyone in the room. Kaito's excitement faltered. "What? You guys are hungry, right?"

"Yeah, but I don't feel like cooking..." Rin mumbled. She had lifted her head off of Len's shoulder and was now resting her chin on the top of the coffee table.

Kaito sulked. "Aww, you guys are no fun..."

"I've got an idea," Meiko said with a manipulative smirk on her face. "Since you want to cook so bad Kaito, why don't you go fix us some snacks?"

Wow. Meiko actually said his name. It wasn't, _idiot_, or _baka_, or _Bakaito_ this time. It was _Kaito_. It sounded odd coming out of her mouth, giving Kaito the urge to oblige because of that alone. "Sure, Meiko. What do you guys want to eat?"

Meiko's smirk was still obvious. "Sake."

Luka was now filing her light blue nails, not looking up as she replied, "Tuna."

"Bananas," Len answered simply.

Rin was right behind him. "And oranges."

"Leeks, please, Kaito-kun." Miku smiled his direction in appreciation.

Kaito blinked uneasily. "Eh...All that?"

"Guess you better get on it, Bakaito," Meiko cut in, back to using the term they're all familiar with. "Keeping your family waiting would just be cruel."

Kaito rubbed the back of his neck. "R-Right. I'll get right on it!"

The blue-haired vocaloid ran out of the living room, quick to get on preparing the snack.

"Does Kaito even know how to cook?" Luka asked absently as she observed her nails.

"Doubt it," Meiko replied, turning to the next page. "He's just making snacks. Hopefully he won't screw it up too bad."

"This is Bakaito we're talking about here," Len pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

Meiko considered this for a moment. "Yeah..." She shrugged. "Oh well, let's hope for the best."

* * *

Kaito rushed into the kitchen, his eyes scanning the marble countertops. He immediately saw a bunch of bananas beside three oranges - most likely for when Rin and Len were in a hurry and didn't have time to open the fridge. He knew the sake and tuna were in the refrigerator to his right, so he retrieved those as well as a carton of ice-cream.

He placed the combined items right next to each other, stroking his chin in thought. "They all want me to make them a snack with this stuff... But what's the fun with just eating what we always eat?" He clenched a fist, determination glinting in his eyes. "I'll make a meal so great, they'll never even think of the word Bakaito again!"

Just the very thought sent excitement surging through his veins. But there was a problem - Kaito has little to no experience with cooking. Normally Luka and Meiko did everything involving the culinary arts. He just sat there and watched.

After giving the collection of foods an absent stare for a solid five minutes, he clutched his blue hair. "Gah, why can't I think of anything! Stupid Kaito..." He shook his head furiously. "Wait, no, I'm not stupid! I can do this! Anyone can cook!"

Kaito opened the cabinent doors and began to rummage through the contents inside, desperate to find something that will satiate all of their hungers. His questions were answered when he came across a dusty box in the back of the pantry. He blew off the dust in one puff before beaming. "This will surely blow them away!"

* * *

Miku rested her head against her fist, her elbow pressed against the soft arm of the armchair. "What's taking Kaito-kun so long?"

"I'd rather not question it..." Meiko muttered. The book had been closed at this point, and her hand was lightly massaging her head to work off a headache. Just the thought of Kaito in the kitchen stressed her out. But she was afraid of what she would find if she went to investigate, so she left it alone. And since no one else was going to check on him, she figured they felt the same.

Luka was flipping through a magazine, Rin was asleep at this point, Len was idly watching the weather channel-still, and Miku was simpy watching everyone else. They were all patiently waiting. Waiting to see the destruction that Kaito had come up with.

* * *

Kaito yanked the oven open and pulled out the pan, lifting the glass container above him proudly. "This is fantastic! I bet they can smell it already!" Kaito was wearing bright blue pot holders and a snow white apron. He actually looked like he was made to be in the kitchen.

He inhaled audibly before exhaling heavily through his mouth. His eyes were gleaming. "Better not keep them waiting!"

Miku sniffed, her brows furrowing. "What's that odd smell?

"It's done, guys!" Kaito's voice resounded through the house not a second after Miku finished her sentence.

"Oh, why am I afraid..." Meiko murmured to herself. Her fingers were in her hair, clutching it slightly. Her eyes were closed, but her ears were wide open as she heard footsteps getting closer and closer.

And as they got closer, the smell got stronger.

Rin's eyes fluttered open. "Mmm... Is that oranges I smell?"

"Hmm? No way, I smell banana," Len argued before shrugging Rin's face off his shoulder.

Luka crossed her arms. "I smell baked tuna. Where are you guys getting those fruits from?"

Miku sniffed again. "How can you pick out foods from _that_?"

Kaito entered the room confidently, the pot holders and apron still on as he carried a piping hot pan. Inside of it was a very... strange looking cuisine. The smell was equally as strange, yet some of them could easily pick out their favorite foods.

"Now I _know _it has oranges."

"There _has _to be tuna."

"Ooh! I smell leeks now! Kaito-kun, what did you make?"

Kaito grinned. "I'm glad you asked, Miku! Since you all wanted a bunch of different stuff, I combined them all in one dish!"

Meiko's eyes snapped open. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You _what_?!"

"I know, it's great!" The pan was placed on the coffee table, allowing everyone to get as closer look. They all slowly gathered around to sneak a peek at Kaito's... mystery food.

"What _is _it?!" Meiko cried as she stared at the nearly gray food.

"Cake! I found an old box of cake batter, so I just made it then put all of our favorite foods in it!" He looked very proud of himself, completely oblivious to the skeptical looks his dish was getting.

"...So that has sake in it..."

"And bananas..."

"And oranges..."

"...And tuna..."

"Leek, too...? That sounds strange, Kaito-kun..." Miku frowned at the odd cake.

"It has ice-cream in it, too!" he exclaimed, his ocean blue eyes shining. "It has a litte of everyone in it!"

Meiko's hand was back on her temple, trying to ward of the returning headache. "...And why didn't you just bring all of that stuff to us instead of making it into a cake?"

Kaito laughed in response. "What fun would that be?"

Len shook his head slowly and ran a hand through his blonde locks. "Oh, Bakaito..."

Everyone else nodded in agreement.


End file.
